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Sunday, March 30, 2014

I swear I am a decent person...

I really am, even if my mouth has no filter, for the most part my heart is in the right place.  I'm the kind of person you have to know, to know how to take what I say.  I fluent in sarcasm, and I'm pretty damn funny I have been told.

But when I get pissed...well, I stay pissed for awhile.

So far this year has been many small occurrences of bullshit timed to keep me pissed at regular intervals.

Being that I never had children of my own, I was the naive idiot blessed that my husband had three children from a previous marriage.


Don't get me wrong, I like these kids.  Hell, I grew up with them. (JOKE).  But someone else's children will never feel like your child, and anyone who tells you different is psychotic or has entirely too much estrogen coursing through their body.

First off, if everyone had to raise someone else's children from about 11-18, and by raise I mean feed, clothe, and shelter, but not have a damn say so or opinion about a 15 year old that sneaks out fucking constantly, the world would have ceased existing millennia ago.

I am the type of women who sees a train wreck and asks herself, what could I have done to prevent it.  This is not a favorable trait to have if you have step kids, at least not in my situation.

It's not like I have had any say in what they are and aren't allowed to do, but I am a damn fixer.  I see something not functioning or not reaching it's potential, AND I HAVE TO FUCKING FIX IT.

And in case you were wondering, this shit doesn't work with a teenager.  Like, at all.

I was never a lazy teenager, and I worked my ass off.  My parents nor my grandparents would have tolerated much else, and yes, I would have got my ass busted otherwise.

In this barren woman's opinion on what's wrong with this world, let me sum it up for you in one sentence:

I mean it.  Quit coddling these little brats.  Jesus, we are raising a country of pussies.  And I mean every damn word of this, and I don't care who gets mad.  It was on the news the other night that yelling at your child during disciplining them is harmful to their psyche.  You know what else is harmful to their psyche? Growing up to be a crybaby loser.  Stop buying them all this shit!  You know what? I grew up kinda poor, so you know what that made me do? Not want to be poor anymore.  So I busted ass to put myself through college, and I appreciate all the shit that I have.  Make these kids stay home if they can't be trusted to be out. If they get lippy, take that damn iPhone and XBox away!  It's not rocket science people, and I can say this with 100% certainty, because I have seen imbeciles raise well-behaved children.

Dear God, I hope my ovaries really have jumped off a cliff.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Everything is Ass Right Now

For the most part.

I'm sure there is some damn optimist out there saying, "Well, gee golly, you have your health!" And I would like to meet that person and kick them in their throats.

I am at a point in life where I realize I suck at it.  I hate dealing with idiots, I have no patience for ignorant people, and frankly, I'm beginning to feel kinda grateful to be infertile, because if I had to raise one more teenager, I would be in a cell.

Trying to balance a 60+ hour a week job, a home, helping with ill family and a smart ass teenager, oh and being ON CALL the last 2 weekends in a row has me ready to start busting skulls.

The silver lining in all this is that I am able to suspend service to a certain cell phone free of charge or repercussions when someone gets mouthy.

No more hateful texts from THAT number.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

I have far too much ADD to get anything accomplished anymore...

Thinking it would kick my ass into high gear, I scheduled my final.  Now I don't have to concentration necessary to study.  Oh well, I'll either pass it or I won't.  I blame it on increasing amounts of sunshine and the fact that spring is right around to corner.

So I mix studying (a little) with a few (a lot) of internet games.  Because I am a nerd.  Yesterday I woke up and worked out, went to the grocery, and proclaimed it a "lazy day".  So my husband and I grilled a pork loin, drank bourbon and watched some of Season 1 of Bates Motel.  Oh and ate a pound of pork cracklins.  I work about 5 minutes down the road from Fountain City, and they have a HUGE Amish deli/grocery there, and I may be just the tiniest bit addicted.  They have everything, and more importantly, they have SAMPLES of everything.  Just don't buy the butter pecan syrup, it tastes nothing like IHOP.

At any rate, it's Sunday and therefore WALKING DEAD DAY.  My husband has been complaining that this season isn't as interesting as last season.  He apparently fell asleep during the whole Beth/Daryl bit last Sunday. (Can you believe that, by the way?).  I keep telling him, due to the explosiveness of last season's ending, all our people are now spread out and (Thankfully) still alive.  So the episodes are going to be spaced out, because lets face it, if they tried to follow all of them every episode it would be like Days of Our Lives.

All's I got to say is, when shit hits the fan, I hope to hell I get to be Beth.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

A Mile a Minute

I have been so busy this week, I have met myself coming and going.

It has gotten warmed up here to the 50's, but all that's going to shit tonight when it drops and we get more snow.  Fun times.

I have been studying for a final, so that's where I have been.  Got to finish this degree so I never have to take another college class again.  It's hard for me to make my stepkid study when I am hunched over a laptop, chain smoking and bitching about how stupid it is I have to relearn all this, and that I will never use it.  I am a great role model for teenagers, let me tell you.

My husband has been working some jobs out of town, and today I got up, worked out (and now I feel like I am 80 because I musta pulled something in my side, picked the house up, and headed into work for a few hours in an attempt to combat the mountain of work.

Then I went to Walmart, because it's the only place between here and work, to get vodka.  What a mistake.  Jesus, if I ever get the itch to procreate, I will just go to Walmart on a Saturday afternoon.  My ovaries literally jumped out of my body and ran off a cliff.

Anyways, if you don't see me much, it's because I'm learning how to be a nurse.  I've only been one for like 10 years, but I have to have more letters behind my name to continue doing what I have been doing the last 6.  I blame O'bama.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Best Wife Ever

It's a secret, but as an anniversary present I just got my babe tickets to the Motley Crue concert in July.  Even if it cost the same price as a small country, hopefully it will be worth it.  He does for everyone but himself all the time.  And, come on, it's fricking Motley Crue.  Best. Wife. Ever.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Why A Bunch of Broads Shouldn't Work Together (Alternate Title: Why I Am So Pissed Off)

I have been in health care since I was 15, was a pharmacy tech for 4 years, and have been a nurse since I was 20.  That's almost a decade and a half of wonder why in the name of all that's holy would I choose this?  Don't get me wrong, I love my job.  I really, really do. And I kick ass at it.  But I am telling you what all this experience has taught me:  Women can't work together, and therefore, can't run shit.

Please don't start with feminist tirades, because frankly, they fall short.  I think we should be able to vote and own property and all that jazz, but let me tell you, anyone barking for a female president is an idiot.

Let me offer some evidence.

Anyone who has any experience in health care, let along the dreaded long-term care, is a freaking liar if they don't tell you it's a damn snake pit.  The worst work environment I have ever been witnessed to, was an estrogen-driven cluster fuck they called administration.  Everybody ragged on everybody, and everyone ragged at the same time.  I seen more employees cry at my short stint in that hell hole then I saw when I did end of life care.

Why?  Because women are the most self-conscious people in the world.  They don't like it if you offer constructive criticism, because they think you are criticizing them.  You ask them to help with something, you are nagging. You don't blow sunshine up their asses, you aren't being supportive. They tear each other up.  Wild animals have not inflicted the kind of shit on their young in the history of the world, that woman do to each other in the workplace.  And last, but not least, they spend too much time picking everything everyone says apart, and whispering about it behind closed doors.

Have I been guilty of this in the past?  Yes, I was once an insecure 15-year-old.  But I am a grown woman now.  I could care less what anyone else looks like, because I am married, am a good husband ain't going no where.  I've never been a person who needs to feel like the prettiest, but I can tell you I have been the one with the most commonsense more often than not.  I learned at my first job as a nurse, no good comes from befriending the natives of the nursing home.  Keep your head down, for God's sake don't offer any constructive criticism (you are only going to be targeted or make more work for yourself), and don't talk to anyone unless it directly relates to the job you have to do.

My favorite expression, and the one that I inevitably repeat to my employees at least once a week is this: Stay in your lane! HONK! HONK!  That means, if you are worried about what you are doing, then you don't have time to worry what everyone else is not doing.

Most recently, having a lot of experience, I offered some suggestions.  You know what it got me? A pain in the ass.

Someone should've shouted at me:


Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Spring is Coming!

The forecast after Friday: Increasing temps!  50 degree weather all next week.  Folks, I hope this isn't the usual Indiana trick.  You know, it warms up mid-February, then 2 weeks later we have 2 inches of ice?

Lord don't let it be that.
Wood has all kinds of deadly peppers started in this kitchen.  I say deadly because you can't even buy pepper plants around here this hot.  He makes all kinds of good stuff: his own aged hot sauce, more salsa than you can even fathom, bloody Mary mix, hot pepper seasoning, and habanero relish.  I think he may can more than I do.

I will probably prune the apple trees this weekend before it warms up, and maybe go ahead and get some deer repellent around them and the peach and persimmon trees.

I can't wait until summer!