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Monday, January 23, 2012

Fashion Sense

I really don't have any.  Fashion sense, that is.


But I would like to know what every one thinks about on subject that has seemed to come up a lot of the past few weeks...


Shorts.


This started because during the freak fifty-degree weather we were having, my momma said, "I have one pair of shorts I can wear out in public.  All the shorts they make nowadays are too damn short for my old butt to wear out in public."


Oh lord, how I hate shorts.  You are preaching to the choir, sister.


I have never in my life liked shorts.  I didn't like them as a kid, and I loathe them even more now.  It's mainly due to the fact that I have owned underwear that leave more to the imagination than the shorts they make now.


When I was younger and still gave a damn what people thought, I always wore jeans.  No matter how hot it was.  People would say, "Aren't you hot?"  Uh, yeah, but at least my dignity is intact.


All the shorts I find are either too short, or too long, or too goofy.


I told momma this.  She said she now agrees with me, that shorts are the root of fashion-evil.


"My only other option is capri pants."


Yeah, but they look stupid on me.  I have calves that make most teenage boys jealous.  The only way I can pull them off is in heels.


Give ya one guess what else I don't own a pair of...


"I have a bunch of khaki capri pants I guess I could wear."


Yeah, momma.  Go ahead and wear them.  I won't wear them.  Next she'll want a minivan.  Just joking, to all you khaki capri-wearing folks.  You would have to know my momma, I guess, to see why I find this hilarious.  She looks more at home in leathers on a motorcycle than in about anything else.


The solution I gave momma was simple:  boys' basketball shorts.


A few years back,  I had bought some shorts.  I felt they were too short, but really, what do I know?  I've always been too picky about clothes, right?


It was summer time, it was hot, I got off work, came home and put these shorts on and go outside.  My husband comes home and says, "Those are great for when it's just you and me here, baby... But those shorts are kinda short, don't you think?"


Well, actually I did think so, too.  I also bought the longest pair I could find with out having to go and get blue-wash in my hair.


So, I did what any woman would do...I raided his closet.


I discovered that basketball shorts are so comfortable, they are longer, and I swear they are cooler.  I stole them.  


A week ago I saw a sales ad and they had the above mentioned shorts for $8.  I bought a pair in every color.


I wear them out in public. Flip-flops, tank top, ponytail, no make-up.  I frankly just don't care what people think, you see.  If they are going to judge me for wearing  basketball shorts, I don't want to talk to them any how.


I also have about thirty sundresses, too.  I can do anything in a sun dress and mud boots.  Just ask anyone.


I told momma to go buy some basketball shorts.  We'll see if she does.  I don't think she felt a woman her age (she's not that darn old, I don't know why she thinks she is) should be running around in basketball shorts.  I'm sure when we go out to the flea markets and rummage sales this summer and she sees I am serious, I really will wear them out in public, she will, too.


Until then, I leave you with one of the best things I have ever heard:
Modest is hottest.



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